TCHS Rampage

Temple City High School

Alternative Facts

February 27, 2017

Bowling Green

Nowadays, too often does the media blatantly refuse to report on tragedies that occur in America, such as Kellyanne Conway’s Bowling Green Massacre.
This horrendous tragedy tore numerous families apart,  making it the only stain on the unsoiled history of America. Some nonexistent years ago, two individuals (obviously terrorists) wreaked havoc on the unsuspecting settlement of Bowling Green, Ohio with water gun pistols of death.
These terrorists were last spotted chewing cinnamon gum, which, due to their violent nature, closely resembled White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer and White House Chief Strategist Steve Bannon.
Upon arriving at the city, the two evildoers began firing at residents, and one by one, victims began to shrivel up due to the sudden exposure of hydration to their dry skin, which was a result of many long months toiling under the brutal Ohio sun.
As citizen by citizen melted away, the two terrorists turned their weapons of mass destruction upon themselves, and in a final act of twisted bravado, pulled the trigger on themselves so that they too, began to disintegrate into nothingness. In the end, it was as if they never existed.
In honor of the 0th anniversary of the Bowling Green Massacre, grocery stores across the nation will be adding a new genetically modified vegetable, the bowling green, to their shelves on Feb. 30. It can be found alongside the new mandatory Ivanka Trump clothing line.

About the Author

Bobbins Moose
Bobbins Moose is the mascot of Rampage. He represents all alumni that have come and gone through Rampage program here at Temple City High School.



Tracking another solution

Imagine being dressed and ready to run on the track. It was raining heavily the previous day, so you hope the track has dried by then. However, your hopes are crushed when you realize the track is completely flooded. This is on...
by Zoe Hsu


Visits vital when choosing a campus

  Listen up boys and girls, I’m here to make sure you don’t make a huge mistake during your senior year. Everyone wants to go to a prestigious college, and everyone wants the ultimate bragging rights by getting into all o...
by Timothy Trac


Opinion: Seminar’s guidance is not a good fit for all freshmen

The class of 2020 was the first to take a new, obligatory semester course called College and Career Seminar, a class that is, as stated in the school’s curriculum book, “designed to empower students to become self-advocates...
by Zoe Hsu



No rape scapegoats

As seniors, many of us are looking forward to the next step in our lives: college. With college comes more freedom, independence and the opportunity to try new things. But with all the exciting new experiences of college, the t...
by Bobbins Moose


Locker Room Lockup

The girls of the zero period Fitness for Life class were absent for the rest of their classes on Feb. 21. Their substitute failed to open the door to the girls’ locker room all day, and they were unable to change clothes. “...
by Kaiya Pomeroy-Tso



Be the first to comment!

Leave a Reply