HEY YOU! READER! Here is a list of life hacks that you may or may not use. Either way, you should keep reading because every time you read an article of mine, a poor child in China receives a tube of toothpaste, or a scientist at Caltech receives his lab coat, or an angel receives his wings or something like that. Please refer to my PR rep. for more details.
The Old Sailor Trick
If you’ve ever woken up in the middle of the night to use the restroom or vanquish the fire trolls living in your basement like I have, you know that after you’ve finished your quest, returning to your bed while your eyes readjust to the darkness is unnerving. For this, you can rely on the old sailor trick. When you turn on the lights, cover one eye with your hand (eyepatch optional) to prevent that eye from receiving light. When you turn off the lights, cover the other eye and use your dilated eye to navigate your way. I also know from experience that this trick helps one avoid stepping on Legos, frost trolls and other clutter typical of a messy room. I live a complicated life.
The Answer You Want
Desperate romantics, please don’t ask your crush’s friends if he or she likes you. Friends lie! You should be observing that person’s behavior. Pay attention to who your crush looks at when he or she laughs. If it’s often you, that person probably finds you attractive or pleasing. I know this because I have a degree in Psychology and Troll Physiology. Trust me. We all do this to a certain extent.
Hallway Hack
If you want to sift through traffic in the congested halls, first stop staring at people who are approaching you. That only increases the chance that you will collide with them. Instead, keep your head up and look toward your destination. People will identify the direction you are going and how to avoid your path. I don’t have a joke for this one.
Toothpaste Hack
When you’ve already squeezed out as much toothpaste as you can, enlist Physics to help you empty the rest. Inflate your tube of toothpaste with your mouth and close the top. Holding the non-cap side, violently shake your toothpaste as if using a hand fan. The centripetal force will push the gas toward your hand and the toothpaste toward the cap. If you want a more elegant explanation, please take Physics next year. Yes, I’m officially endorsing that class.
There you go! I hope the couple of minutes you spent reading this article have left you with more knowledge than you started with. Now’s the part where I end on a witty last line. Fire trolls are deathly allergic to toothpaste. Trust me.