PHOTO COURTESY/ Jannah Salas
Over the course of my four years at TCHS, I was torn between two opposite sides of me: the academic and social sides. Many times over, friends invited me to go out and have fun, but I declined because I prioritized a test over a one-time experience with the people that meant the most to me. I would have definitely preferred a Harry Potter butterbeer over my AP Biology book.
Whenever a friend texted me and asked if I was free to go grab a bite to eat, my response was always “I can’t, I have this huge paper due and I really can’t afford to waste time. Sorry.” I’d imagine the look they would have towards my declination, knowing never to ask me to go anywhere again. If I had to describe my high school social life in a nutshell, it would be: inactive. I would rarely leave my house to go anywhere and I would always finish my work before having nothing to do afterwards except eating, sleeping or going on Netflix.
This was something I struggled with throughout my high school career: I always worried about something unimportant and never lived in the moment. I would never branch out due to fear of what MIGHT happen to me, and never thought about what WILL happen to me. I always thought pessimistically and never took part in the action. Due to this mindset, I realized that the time I used to devote to studies was useless as my grades began to fall.
I was confused, thinking that the time I put into studying would pay off. The opposite came true, in that I couldn’t solve the problem that I unintentionally created for myself. I spent the last weeks of my junior year figuring out why, but to no avail.
Throughout my senior year, I began to leave campus more often just to take a break from school. I had my usual gaggle of friends with me, blasting ABBA songs or Elton John at the loudest, safest volume. Our usual destinations included Chick-Fil-A, Hmart or Target, where we would sit and sip on our Jamba Juice shakes. We would always come back to school with huge smiles on our faces and new inside jokes; we always made new, irreplaceable memories.
I finally figured out my junior year dilemma: a lack of balance. I didn’t balance my time and energy in doing tasks, between studying and goofing off. I kept my nose in my textbooks when I should have been outside enjoying my teenage years. If I had been more daring, I wouldn’t have felt like I was unsociable or see my grades fall.
I have always been envious of the students who go to festivals or raves, while I stayed indoors with my iPad on Hulu or Netflix.I am not endorsing that someone can goof off all day, but find the balance between fun and work. It sounds stereotypical, but really, I couldn’t find the joy in working and playing at the same time.
I wish I had realized it sooner rather than now, but I am grateful to have realized it now. It’s not necessarily doing what you love and loving what you do, but rather find the balance between fun and work. In doing so, life can be powered up and be so much more enjoyable. Like the lyrics of “Power Up” by Red Velvet, “let’s go, let’s level up to find the electricity tonight!”